Deadlines

Oh that my whole life might have had a dead line; a moment when I had to complete; perform; accomplish; time lines set earlier and defined. Then maybe I would be further along. Maybe I would have known what I have needed in time.

Instead, the cadence of my life, runs out like this: Today I called out ill, fortunate or not, I am actually ill. But I also had not filed my taxes, had not made the deposit to my IRA account, had not, had not, had not... until the deadline said to me, loudly and without compromise, "Today."

Not tomorrow, or hey I'll get back to you next week or let's get together sometime but rather TODAY. No other day, no other moment, not one second more beyond midnight on this day. This particular day. So I finished my taxes today. And I drove to my bank where I keep my IRA (50 minutes from my house so I am never tempted to withdraw money without a generous amount of time driving there to consider the consequences. I've thrown away the ATM card, and destroyed the PIN. All I am able to do is show up. It has protected the dollars. But back to today . . . .

I did it. That is all that matters. And then I had the next hoop, work; and I was so grateful that it actually mattered that I made it in, wrote my copy, revised my copy, assisted in whatever manner I could. Yes, that is where I am, thankfully; grateful that it might matter. Maybe it does. It helped.

I am impeccable with deadlines. If taxes were due on Feb. 15th, that is when I would send them in. If all college degrees had to be earned by age 30, I would have done it by then. If only there were a deadline on fathoming your own heart, I would have perhaps performed better. I like to think so.

When we know better, we do better.