Since I bought this house, this has been my favorite spot, facing away from the actual predictable townhouse, facing an abundance of trees sheltering cardinals, wood peckers, sparrows, and other birds.
The important literary questions; where did we come from, what do we believe, how should we behave. And for me; what should I do now? What do I want?
Where did I come from? I am the product of an unhappy union – or at least that is what I have been led to believe. That my mother no longer loved my father at the time I was conceived. But I do know that she loved him once. I come from people who are Irish, German, French and a veritable mystery to me for the most part.
I come from a humble collection; not much to speak of in terms of wealth, education, or class. I come from an extravagance of affection, drama, creative thought, self-taught, and street smart survivors. I come from a life witnessing and learning a modicum of resentment, frustration, anger, and tenacity. I come from a place where love of one’s children is fathomless.
What do I believe?
I believe selfishness is necessary and as good a quality as any other that aids us in self-preservation. Selfishness drove my academic ambitions, my wish for a reasonable abode, the pursuit of custody of my children, the search for a loving life partner. Selfishness is not the opposite of sacrifice, hard work, and generosity. It is wedded to those qualities.
How should we behave? We should behave as if we are happy even when we are not. We should smile and be gracious when our shoes pinch. We should offer the last bit of biscuit while our own stomach growls.
We should not abide cruelty of any kind. We should not abide the brute. The thief is redeemable, but I am not sure about the brute. We should ask for and give second chances and third and sometimes fourth chances. Beyond that, we probably should re-evaluate what is happening.
We should not scare our children. I learned this one too late to protect my children from that. But I understand it now. A child may be scared but the child should never be scared of his/her own parent. You would have thought I would have had a better understanding of this one. We should let them scare themselves a bit as they reach for their limits.
My mother always said, “I hate a liar worse than a thief,” and I agree with her. When you lie to me, you steal something more precious than the silver service or my wallet. So we should not lie. Better an ugly truth than a pretty lie.
We should protect our bit of earth from poison and other types of destruction as much as possible We should whistle or sing when we are happy. We should protect and educate the young and protect and care for the infirm. We should breathe deeply every single day of our lives so our lungs don’t grow lazy and become like old deflating balloons, the inside layers sticking together until brittle. We should stand on one foot while we brush our teeth (or while doing something that takes about a minute or so) every day. In other words, we should care for the vehicle that we wear as we live our lives.
We should tell the people that we love that we love them. I have faltered here as well. But not without good reason. I think. Or maybe I’m wrong.
The last two questions will have to wait for another post. In the meantime, this quote is from a New York Times book review of a new novel, The Grief of Others.
Leah Hager Cohen drives home our ability to attach to something small and doomed simply because it exists.
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