Life and Work and Kate and Leopold

So, I've just survived two weeks of proposal hell. Shipped off our response on Friday around 1:00 PM and took the rest of the day off. While I was working on the proposal, several things became evident to me:
I was the only person in the office on Memorial Day weekend.
I was the only person in the office the following weekend.
Of the people who will profit if the proposal succeeds, I profit the least.
A costing dilemma makes the odds of the contract being awarded to us about 3%.
I am sacrificing my personal time with family and loved ones for naught.
I developed an illness during this time, but postponed caring to my own care so I would be able to fulfill my commitment to my employer.
It matters not in the least.

At the end of my life, (or even next week) not one person from that office will be present. Not one person from that office has regard for me as a human being. I am tool. (Not the way one would ever want to be considered a "tool" if one were considered in such a derogatory manner.)

So, this afternoon, as I finally catch up on my laundry, do some dusting, nurse my sinus and bronchial infection, I am watching Kate and Leopold- a not all that well-regarded romantic film of years back, yet I find it charming. And in even this light-hearted environment, I see the mirror and the window. A reflection of my sacrifice to unworthy work and the sacrifice of my better skills.

On the topic of seeing what is invisible to one another, one character, Stuart, explains:
Stuart: It is no more crazy than a dog finding a rainbow. Dogs are colourblind, Gretchen. They don't see colour. Just like we don't see time. We can feel it, we can feel it passing, but we can't see it. It's just like a blur. It's like we're riding in a supersonic train and the world is just blowing by, but imagine if we could stop that train, eh, Gretchen? Imagine if we could stop that train, get out, look around, and see time for what it really is? A universe, a world, a thing as unimaginable as colour to a dog, and as real, as tangible as that chair you're sitting in. Now if we could see it like that, really look at it, then maybe we could see the flaws as well as the form. And that's it; it's that simple. That's all I discovered. I'm just a... a guy who saw a crack in a chair that no one else could see. I'm that dog who saw a rainbow, only none of the other dogs believed me.

I feel as if I was the only dog who could see the rainbow. It is not the first time. It (I hope) will not be the last.

I dream my life, and it is so different from where I reside.But I am here now. One can be misplaced for a time. But eventually, to survive, evolve, we seek our optimum environment.

I have worked day jobs to pay the rent, then the mortgage. It is not dishonerable to earn a living in a manner that does not use of one's best abilities, is it?

Kate: I've been paying dues all of my life. And I'm tired, and I need a rest, and if I have to peddle a little pond scum to get one, then so be it.

Yes, it is exhausting to play out your talents for the beneift of others in missions in which you have no percentage, little faith, and no appreciation of your efforts. It could possibly be debilitating if you do it too long.

So who does Kate find to love in such a world; who but a man of good manners, intelligence, graciousness, and honor. He observes:

Leopold: What has happened to the world? You have every convenience and comfort, yet no time for integrity.

Bring me Leopold and if it mean that I set aside my current life and leap into the realm of an honor from time past, then so be it. I would gladly give up the clothes dryer, internet, dishwasher, vehicles, the rancid stink of the insincere. Oh, I know that that last item exists in every time, but I don't have to accept it, embrace it.

And in the end, Kate says this:
It's wonderful to get what you want. It's really a great thing..unless what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted because what you really want, you couldn't imagine or didn't think it was possible.-What if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without even asking? They just knew, like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts..and what if they were sure of themselves and didn't need to take a poll..and they loved you, and you hestitated?...